Embracing the Stillness

Getting real about raw emotions.

Over the month of January, I have been in a place of intentional stillness. This has taken me to a place of deep reflection and asking myself deep questions. The questions that are sometimes hard to ask. Why am I allowing a situation to make me so irritated and angry? Why do I feel the way I do about a particular situation? Why are you expecting something from that person when you have never communicated what you wanted? Why are you feeling invisible right now?

Getting truly honest with myself about areas that are still governed by trauma has been something that I have been intentional about working though since last year. I got really serious about things that had been holding me back and things that I no longer need to carry anymore. It was time to give a great deal of this junk an eviction notice. But, at the same time allowing myself to sit with the emotion without exiting them to gain a deeper understanding. This was not a practice that I learned growing up or even into adulthood. My religious upbringing as well as my adulthood experiences within mainstream Christianity taught me a formula of scripture memorization and praying it away. I never learned to sit with the duality of emotions and work through them. There was always an exit plan that later turned into disassociation.

I am not against scripture or prayer. Both of them are still a part of my spiritual rituals. At this part of my journey, it looks different. I have come to realize the importance of allowing the emotions to truly come through. It has become very important to me to allow whatever emotion I am feeling to have its full expression, but I practice taking the posture of simply observing it. Meditation has become the main way I put this into practice.

Over the last several months I have been joining a meditation group at 5:30am during the week on Insight Timer. Through this practice I am learning so much about observing the thought or emotion but coming back to my breath to ground myself and be present in the moment. Receiving the diagnosis of ADD and neurodivergence I have found meditation to be super helpful. Even though I choose not to identify with this label because of the negative energy that comes from certain parts of society towards it. And choosing not to use pharmaceuticals simply because my body is so sensitive to medications. I have gone through rounds and rounds of meds trying to find the sweet spot for my body and none of them aligned with my system. The meditation and stillness have become my medicine.

Asking the questions of myself has given me a clearer and more profound window into knowing myself and being able to no longer be governed by things of the past. As well as not being driven about the possibilities of the future. But to simply be in the present. Focusing solely on what is in front of me in this moment. The world all around us is so fast paced and I was so tired of missing so much because of a distracted mind but also because I felt like I always had to be doing something. I chose stillness and embodying it as a practice no matter where I am. Simply just stop, set a timer, lean back, close my eyes, and intentionally focus on my breathing.

What are some ways that you are getting honest with yourself? What questions have you been avoiding asking yourself about areas of your life? And are you allowing yourself to get still and rest enough to allow the answers to be brought up from within the depths of your being? Please comment below or feel free to share this with someone that you know who is navigating this same energy.

This is one of my favorite meditations on the Insight Timer App. Unwind Into Surrender. I hope you find it restful and calming.

If you are interested in learning more about meditation or my energy healing practice, please visit Oasis Journey LLC where I offer virtual sessions. Also, in person sessions for those local to the low country of South Carolina.